“Should I Stay or Should I Go?” Is Not About Pushing You To Leave (Or Stay)

One of the questions I get as a relationship coach who specifically helps people this extremely difficult situation is:

“If I work with you around the question ‘Should I stay or should I go?’ are you trying to convince people to leave their relationship?”

And the answer is a very clear no.

In reality, the majority of the women I work with stay in their relationships.

But that doesn’t mean the question isn’t real, or serious, or necessary.

How This Question Actually Shows Up

Most women don’t wake up one day out of nowhere and ask, “Should I stay or should I go?”

That question usually comes after years of a slow burn:

• Not feeling truly happy

• Not feeling satisfied

• Feeling yourself quietly erode inside the relationship

• Pretending things are fine when they aren’t

Eventually, there’s a moment where something clicks and you think:

I’m not doing this anymore.
I’m not happy.
I don’t want to keep pretending I’m okay with this.

And that’s when the question starts to rattle around.

Not because you’re dramatic.
Not because you’re impulsive.
But because you’ve reached a limit.

Most Women Already Know They Want to Stay

Here’s something that surprises a lot of people:

Many of the women who reach out to me already know they want to stay.

What they don’t know is:

• How to stay and be happy

• How to stop repeating the same patterns

• How to show up differently when what they’ve been doing clearly isn’t working

They aren’t asking, “Should I stay or should I go?” because they want permission to leave.

They’re asking because staying as it is feels impossible.

“I Want to Stay — Just Not Like This”

This is where the real work begins.

Once someone lands on:

I do want to stay. I just need it to look different.

That’s when we shift from deciding → changing.

We start looking at:

• How you show up in the relationship

• What you’ve been tolerating that isn’t actually okay

• How to communicate more clearly and honestly

• How to set and hold boundaries (this is huge)

• How you take care of yourself—emotionally, physically, financially, with your time and energy

All of these pieces matter, because they’re often what led to the unhappiness in the first place.

I Don’t Tell Anyone What to Do

It’s important to say this clearly:

I don’t tell anyone whether they should stay or go.
I don’t have an agenda.
I’m not here to convince you of anything.

What I do help with is getting you to a place where you feel confident answering that question for yourself.

So that whatever choice you make:

• You’re not second-guessing it

• You’re not stuck in guilt or doubt

• You feel grounded and clear about your next steps

That’s what creates real relief.

Moving Forward With Confidence

When you’re clear, you can be proactive.
You can start taking care of yourself within the choice you make.
You can stop spinning in your head and start making changes that actually support you.

That’s the goal of this work.

And that’s why I’m always glad when people ask this question—because it matters, and you deserve to know that you’re not being pushed in any direction.

If you have questions about this work, about me, or about how coaching might support you, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to reach out and email me anytime [email protected]