The Real Impact Of Infidelity On Your Relationship

Hi, I'm Karyn You're couples therapist and relationship coach with A Better Relationship Coaching And today I wanted to talk about infidelity and the impact it really does have on your relationship.

Studies show that about 20% of men and 13% of women have a sexual affair outside of their marriage. And when we talk about emotional infidelity, that number goes up. So some studies say that it impacts one of approximately three marriages. And that's a lot for something that we really don't talk about very much.

Trust is the most important part of any relationship, and it's the foundation of what we kind of come to know as being the reality of our relationship. It gives us something that we can stand on, that we know to be true, that we have this inner sense of knowing certain things about our relationship with our partner. And when infidelity comes into the picture, it's just like turns everything completely upside down. And that breach of trust that is caused by cheating has huge effects. Some of them you see right away, and some of them are under the surface because it's that emotional. trust that's broken. We will often minimize the impact of emotional cheating on a relationship. But when you're turning to someone other than your partner for emotional support, connection, fulfillment, in many ways you're replacing your partner for those things. and this is so hard because that is something that's normally reserved for your partner, for the closest person to you.

And so when you start giving that to someone else, it is devastating. And it shakes their whole world. It causes the person who's been cheated on to really question if anything they knew about the relationship is true. Right. Things that were a no brainer that they didn't even have to think about before all of a sudden come into question. It can actually also impact their ability to trust themselves, right?  Because they knew this thing was true about their relationship. They knew they could trust you. They knew that this was something they could count on. And then all of a sudden, it's not true anymore. So it can really cause them to not trust themselves anymore and trust their own instincts, especially if maybe they thought something was going on. And then you convince them that there's nothing else going on. And then it turns out there was something going on that's that has a really big impact on the person who has been cheated on, to feel confident in their ability to trust their instincts and really count on themselves and what with their instincts are telling them.

This is the case for emotional and physical cheating because the real injury is not actually just having sex with someone else, it's the breach in trust. So actually, some people will say that it's easier to recover from an affair that was just sexual with no emotional attachment at all than it was if somebody was actually romantically involved in it, involved, you know, conversations and dinners and and also sex or not sex, right? It's that emotional connection that actually takes the longest to repair when this happens to a relationship. And so even if it was a sexual affair, once you've broken off that physical intimacy, the trust is still gone. And it's going to take a long time to repair this relationship.

Now, I will say when the person that has cheated does disclose an affair to their partner, the chances of staying together are actually better than if you keep it a secret. So when you give your partner that opportunity to see what was going on and to decide if they want to stay together or not and how that's going to look, your chances of actually having that relationship continue goes up.

I also want to say that when we're on the outside looking in, it's very easy to say things like, "Oh, I would never stay" and "you should leave him or her",and we just kind of have that automatic perspective and when you're actually in that situation.... I have spoken with many people that are in this situation and they will say, "I just did not know that it would be like this. And now that I'm here, I just don't know what to do". I want to say that because I know that sometimes people feel a lot of shame for staying or thinking about staying and what that looks like. But really, it's a decision that you can't make until you're in that situation, unfortunately.

If you do decide to try to make it work, a lot of times relationships end up much better than they were. Before they found out about all this and had to go through this, you know, turmoil of recovering from an affair. But it is a long road and it takes a lot of work from both partners. So if you are in this situation and you're not sure what to do, I do definitely recommend getting some help working through something with this. You know, either a relationship coach or a couples therapist to help guide you through this because it's a really difficult process, but it is possible to come out from this.

All right. I hope this was helpful. And until next time, take care of yourself and take care of each other. Thanks. That's it for today. I hope this was helpful for you. Don't forget to hit follow so you can find out when new episodes come out each week. And if you're interested in working with me or just learning more about me, you can check out my website. A Better Relationship Coach Income.

Thank you so much. Until next time, take care.