7 Questions Workbook

Should We Talk To Others About Our Relationship?

Mar 01, 2024
A Better Relationship Coaching
Should We Talk To Others About Our Relationship?

Hey, so today I wanted to talk about who we reach out to for support in our relationships. Um, it's not uncommon for us to talk to friends or family just to kind of, you know, vent or, you know, just talk about things that are going on in our relationship. And a lot of times we do that with people that are going to really advocate for us as individuals, but not necessarily have the relationship in mind.

So I like to talk about that because it is important and who we talk about or who we talk to rather can really impact how we view things and how we see things, right? It can really kind of alter how we're thinking about the situation. And that's why it is really important for us to be intentional about who were actually talking to when we're, you know, venting. And also I, you know, want us to think about like why we're why we're venting, like, what's the purpose of that? And like, what are we wanting to get out of that? Because if that person you're talking to has a relationship with your partner, it can change how they see your partner also. And it kind of gets all intermingled and can frequently have negative, um, impacts on the relationship. So, you know, depending on circumstances and there's always a lot of different circumstances., right, but in general when we're talking to people about our relationship, if our goal is to stay in the relationship, make the relationship work. you know, if that's what we're doing with our partner, then we want to make sure that the people we talk to are also in support of that goal, right?

You don't want to have your conversations with your with your friends or family or whoever that is to be like, oh, well, I wouldn't put up with that. and you don't need to do that if, if really what you're wanting to do is to make things work, because a lot of times that can be, you know, contradictory to the goal of improving the relationship. And I'm definitely not talking about instances of, you know, abuse and, you know, violence and things like that, for sure that's a different situation. But just our kind of, I would say, maybe more typical things that come up in relationships. And also specifically this comes up a lot with infidelity, right? 

I've ,a lot of times I meet with couples and the person that was, um, betrayed the person, um, it says things like, gosh, I never would have thought I would have wanted to stay until I got in this, in this situation. And now I'm just not sure what I want to do. And if you're talking to your friends and your family member about all of this and they're like, oh, you need to leave, you need to leave, you wouldn't, you know, I wouldn't put up with that, which is not uncommon to happen, then that can really sway how you're thinking about your situation with your partner. And it can also actually, um, cause someone to feel a lot of like guilt and shame about the decision that they are considering to stay in their situation and in their relationship and try to make it work. But if you've decided, or maybe you haven't decided and you're still considering what your options are, but if you have decided, like, hey, I'm really going to try to make this work, then I would be really careful about who you're talking to and make sure that those people are specifically chosen, knowing that they're going to help support you in your goals, in your relationship. Don't forget to go to my website about a relationship coaching.

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So the other thing to consider is what you are wanting to get out of talking to someone else about your relationship. Um, I'm not saying it's a bad idea to have a very select few people that you do this with. Um, but just to know, like what your intention is, if it's just, uh, bitch about your partner for 20 minutes. Oh, I don't know. Um, I think there might be better ways to do that, either through journaling or speaking with a professional. Um, or, you know, just really making sure, again, really going back to being very intentional with who you're doing this with and who you're having these conversations with. Um, and making sure that they really are understanding what your goals are and in support of that. Um, instead of maybe following their own agenda or that they're maybe advocating for something that's more aligned with their views and values as opposed to yours. And especially, again, if, you know, they're kind of advocating for individual empowerment instead of relational empowerment.

Okay. That's it for today. I know this can be a little bit of a sticky subject, but I hope it was helpful. Until next time, take care of yourself and take care of each other.



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