7 Questions Workbook

Do We Really Have To Talk About Finances?

Feb 16, 2024
A Better Relationship Coaching
Do We Really Have To Talk About Finances?

Hey, so today we are going to talk about finances and it comes up a lot when I'm working with couples that there is a discrepancy in how finances are managed, that one partner is not happy with that and the other is fine with it, and that's usually because one person is managing everything and the other is not aware of what's going on with the finances. 

And this is an issue I really believe that, um, both partners need to be involved in what is going on with the finances, at least to be aware of what's coming in, what's going out. And there's a number of reasons for this. And, you know, I want to say, too, that it doesn't really matter how you manage finances. 

Couples do this differently. Um, whatever works for you guys is totally fine. Some people, um, some households, they'll have, you know, where both people are working. They'll contribute all of their income into one pot of money, and then they, you know, will take out the same amount of money for their personal spending. That's fine. Uh, some people will put in the same percentage of their income into a joint account for everything to come out of, and then they keep back whatever they keep back for their personal. That's fine. Um, it doesn't really matter what it is, as long as both people are on the same page with it and genuinely okay with whatever that arrangement is.  

I will say, for if there's when there's households where there's one person working and the other is, um, staying at home, either taking care of the kids, homeschooling or, you know, not working for whatever reason, that they still also have to be involved in what's going on with the finances. Otherwise, you're creating this discrepancy where really one person has the power of knowledge in terms of their financial situation and the other person is in the dark. 

This has implications because your finances, you know, money isn't everything, but it shows up in our everyday lives with, you know, what can we afford to spend at the grocery store? What can we afford to spend in extras? Are we saving for, you know, vacations or a car? Can we make all of our bills every month? Um, these things are really, really important for both people to be aware of. So going back to if there's a single income household, I do still think it's really important that both of you know what's going on. And if you have personal accounts that those are equal too, regardless of the amount that people are contributing. Um, or again, you know, we at least have to be on the same page and genuinely okay with whatever that situation is or you're going to have underlying resentment. And, um, that's just gonna that's just gonna cause issues sooner or maybe later. But those issues definitely will come up. 

So one of the other reasons that it's so important that you guys have these conversations and both people are on the same page and know what's going on financially with the household is, you know, God forbid something happens to one of you. The other person needs to know, like what the financial situation is, you know, how do I access everything? Like what's going on with everything that's just so, so important. 

So I just wanted to put this out there really quickly because this actually comes up very, very frequently. When I'm working with couples. One person is in the dark, they really don't know what's going on. And then that causes tension because maybe, you know, the person that is involved with managing all the finances thinks the other one is overspending, but they didn't know. Um, it just comes up in a lot of different ways. So I just wanted to kind of put that out there. 

If you don't both know what's going on with the finances, start having at least monthly, um, check ins with each other to look at the bills, look at what's coming in, what's going out, and what your joint goals are financially. 




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